Recovery Tip: Self Directedness and Diversifying Your Support System

After having led countless group therapy and psycho-education groups, I’ve decided to share some helpful tips through blog posts. I believe everyone should have access to affordable mental health care, and unfortunately that’s just not the case, so the least I can do is share free resources and education for those with or without care.

One of the first parts of recovery is choosing recovery for yourself. A concept that can be helpful to learn is “Self-Directedness” which is all about our relationship with self. It is the ability, and belief in our ability, to regulate our emotions, adapt our behaviors and continue to make choices that are in alignment with our values despite whatever curl balls life throws our way.

This really looks like learning to let go of thoughts, beliefs, behaviors or relationships that don’t serve us and aren’t in alignment with our true values. (Which also requires us to grieve as we step forward into a new way of being).

The main 5 components of self-directedness are:

1. Learning to accept responsibility for our behavior and choices instead of blaming others or circumstances.

2. Learning to identify our true values and set goals that are in alignment with those values rather than using others values to direct our actions or purpose.

3. Learning and developing skills for effective problem solving and coping, so that we can continue to make value based decisions despite life’s trials (effective is the true word here because we may be using solutions that are ineffective and keeping us stuck).

4. Learning to accept ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, rather than striving for perfection that does not exist or reflect our true values.

5. Learning to trust our intuition and make value-directed decisions more easily rather than quick emotional decisions or even strictly logical decisions. Being able to access the wisest part of you.

So how does this all go into recovery?

Because recovery also means knowing what your support needs are and being willing to ask for help. It also means expanding on how you might view support. The trap we can fall into is placing a lot of weight in one area of our life and expecting all of our needs to be met here. (Aka placing all our eggs in one basket).

Diversifying your support system is a necessary part of setting yourself up for success because if we only have one person to rely on to meet our needs, it’s likely this person could start feeling burnt out and be unable to show up for you in the way you need. Recovery also means learning that your needs are IMPORTANT. But it’s our own responsibility to understand what our personal needs are and how we can get them met in a healthy way.

Some recovery needs might include the following:

• Accountability / Reality-Checking

  • This could be a treatment team, a family member, a mentor or sponsor

• Medical Support

  • PCP, Psychiatrist, Specialists, Nurses, Dietitian

• Psychological Support

  • Therapists, Support groups, School Counselor

• Recovery Inspiration / Shared Experiences

  • Support groups, books, social media recovery based content

• Distraction

  • Activities/clubs, neighbors, extended family, games, puzzles, pets, learning a new skill

• Love, Safety and Connection

  • Family, friends, neighbors, partner, pets, etc.

• Fun, Friendship, Laughter and Joy

  • Hobby/skill group, friends, co-workers, vacations, etc.

• Emotional Support (i.e. late night texts or calls)

  • Sibling, a family member, parent, best friend, therapist

• Crisis Support (i.e. navigating medical care or insurance, etc.)

  • Crisis line, treatment team, partner, parent

• Spiritual Support

  • Church, Rabbi, Pastor, Meditation group, nature (however you define spirituality)

• Logistical & Financial Support

  • Childcare, financial planning or assistance, transportation, etc.

One person can’t be all of this. These are just some examples and ideas of what diversifying your support system looks like. I encourage you to write down who is in your support system and how they best support you. Part of this could also mean acknowledging there are people in your life that may do great in one area, but struggle to support you in another area (a friend could be really great at distracting you and having fun together, but struggle to provide you the emotional support you need and that’s okay!) Be realistic with how the people in your life do support you and expand where you might be lacking.